I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
