My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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