lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
