I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
