Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
