i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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