i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
