oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
