The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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