if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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