I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
