The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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