Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
