party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
