Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
