My cat gives me a boner
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
