This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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