The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
