You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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