I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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