remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If that was your dad, he is hot
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
