so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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