what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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