he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
