Only a mothe r could love this liver
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
