Don't you send me to vm
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
