i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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