I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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