I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
