we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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