I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
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you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
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I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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