Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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