I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
