I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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