I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
