if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
