Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
How's work?
Spinning.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
