I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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