So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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