the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
