they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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