If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
