I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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