roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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