I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
