dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
