I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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