y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
