I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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