My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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