Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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