if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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