last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
