Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
