The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
