How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
