Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I wear drunk well.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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