I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
