Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
