i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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