I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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