I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
