8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
