Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
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