just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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