I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
