he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so let's talk penis.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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