Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize