My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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