a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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