Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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