she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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