So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
