hotel room ftw
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
