VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
