if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I am mentally ready for anal.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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