Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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